Trump Organization Acquires Vail Resorts, Rebrands with “MASA” Slogan and Trump Steaks in Cafeterias
If all goes according to plan, ski resorts across the U.S. and Canada will be getting a lot more… Great.
In a move that has sent shockwaves across the ski industry, the Trump Organization has announced its acquisition of Vail Resorts, marking the biggest shakeup in ski resort ownership since the invention of the Epic Pass—or, as it’s now being called, the “Most Epic Pass, Possibly Ever.”
As part of the rebrand, several iconic Vail-owned mountains are undergoing immediate name changes to better reflect the new ownership. Vail itself will become “Trump Mountain Colorado,” while Park City has been rebranded “Trump Utah: The Greatest Ski Resort In The West (According To Many People).” Whistler Blackcomb will now operate under the name “Trump International Resort & Golf Club: Glacier Edition,” despite having no golf course and being located in Canada.
Cafeterias across the newly rebranded resorts will now feature exclusive Trump-branded food options, including:
Trump Steaks (“The World’s Most Presidential Ribeye”)
Melania’s Signature Goulash (available only in Whistler, for legal reasons)
Gold Leaf Nachos (only at Trump Mountain Colorado, market price)
Additionally, a new slogan will be prominently featured across all resort signage, trail maps, and grooming reports: “MASA — Make America Ski Again.” This replaces the former slogan, “Experience the Epic,” which executives deemed “low energy.”
Sources tell us that all lift towers will soon be painted gold, and all blue square trails will be renamed “Red Trails,” due to branding conflicts. In a bold media policy shift, press credentials will now only be issued to journalists who agree to adhere to the new branding—a change justified by “correcting the color bias” in ski trail nomenclature.
And in what some are calling a “preemptive hostile ski resort merger”, insiders report that the Trump Organization is eyeing Deer Valley for annexation, citing the existence of a trail named “Trump” as “clear legal precedent” for eminent domain. Lawyers familiar with the case declined to comment, though one was overheard asking if “this is really happening” multiple times.
Our Take
While some skiers and riders might be alarmed by the sudden transformation of their favorite mountains into politically branded snow playgrounds, it’s not the first time the ski industry has flirted with… bold decisions. From the rise of resort consolidation to $30 parking fees at the base of a three-chairlift hill, nothing should surprise us anymore. That said, this move cranks the dial up to 11.
On the one hand, the Trump Organization has a knack for branding, real estate, and lavish experiences—three things the modern ski industry seems increasingly obsessed with. Expect high-end luxury upgrades, more exclusivity, and potentially a golden gondola or two. On the other hand, the MASA slogan might alienate the more neutral or apolitical nature of the ski world, where the only red vs. blue debate should be about trail difficulty, not voter affiliation.
One industry insider noted: “If you thought the Epic vs. Ikon discourse was heated, just wait until this season’s parking lot arguments.”
Ultimately, whether this is the greatest business move in ski history remains to be seen. But one thing’s for sure: the slopes just got a whole lot more… Trumped.
Editor’s Note: If you’ve read this far and haven’t realized it’s April 1st, we hope you’ve at least enjoyed your brief descent into alt-ski reality. No, the Trump Organization has not acquired Vail Resorts. Yet.